Thursday, October 28, 2010

Opening to the Jenlai War

I've been working on a big story for almost a year now. I think I might be to the point where I can start writing the tale. Below is what I have for an opening. Openings seem to be a very difficult part of writing, so I'd appreciate any feed back you have.

-Noise

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Archos System

Archos
Temple of the Herald

"The people of Earth know not what lay ahead, ourselves having but a glimmer, must be cautious in our fostering of Humanity. You must become their hope as well as their discipline. This task has been entrusted to you."

In the deepest chasm of herself, she knew his words to be true. The weight of the challenge set upon her began to sink in. She felt her emotions come from the pit of her stomach and radiate up her spine and the white hot sting of realization drew her attention away from the moment.
Corlaine's thoughts betrayed her.
"You have doubts, my daughter?" Her father's voice entered her mind again.

"Father, why has the council shown favor to Earth? Why not let the Jenlai consume them, as we have the others?" She spoke before the herald, an open book upon a stone pedestal.

"The Jenlai have the right to their own way, however they have become a cancer. If left unchecked, they will devour the host."

She searched past the chaotic winds of her mind, found the calm, and searched farther still.

"Father, I sense this is not just about the Jenlai."

"Good Corlaine, you have become very adept. You are correct, this is not just about the Jenlai. I suppose you should know the reasons behind our decision, for you are now at the heart of the matter. The council has kept careful watch on Earth and it's people for quite some time. There is much we have learned from our observations and our meditations. It is obvious now, that we are of the same source. Our peoples share a common past, and perhaps, a more important common future."

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